Barking, Isle of Dogs - A gnarly old geezer aged circa 89 who toted the Olympic Torch through Barking High Street today has been outed as an ex-lover of Mrs Thatcher.
Their 1950s tryst was the stuff of legend, spawning Mitt Romney and other wannabes.
This morning dressed in the heraldic colors of the local Illuminati Chapter Algy Puttock sneaked past Relay stewards to snatch the prized flame 'much like in the old daze at Chequers on Bonfire Knight'.
Bystanders said they distinctly heard Old Algy singing Big Boned Gal from K D Lang's 1989 smash hit album 'Absolute Torch And Twang' as he attempted to streak past cameramen lining the route.
"He was a bit blubbery, like," Barking resident Vera Mugwort of Tolpuddle Martyrs Close declared, "was that Sally Bercow's bedsheet around Mr Puttock's loins?"
Outdoor broadcast cameras immediately zoomed in on the ceremonial regalia complete with the Thatcher Arms monogrammed crest.
This saw Puttock jump with glee and perform a very rude gesture involving using the torch as a phallic symbol in tandem with feverish attempts at a few pelvic thrusts.
"Yep, he saw soon arse over tit on a big Barking High Street puddle," Mrs Mugwort continued, "serves the silly sozzled hasbeen right."
A spokesperson for the Thatcher Foundation for Retired Illuminati Hookers said: "WTF, Algy Pottle? tonight