Written by queen mudder
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Topics: London, water

Friday, 9 June 2006

image for Geldof Live8½ benefit for drought-stricken London?
Londoners in dire need of another Benefit....

London - (Associated Mess): Bob Geldof is rumoured to be crisis talks today to stage a new Live8 benefit gig in London's Hype Park to alleviate the suffering of the six million drought-stricken Londoners facing imminent water rationing.

The move comes as Thames Water applies for emergency measures to continue dumping another 500 million tonnes of raw sewage into the Thames each week and to bleed dry South East England aquifers in order to service the needs of the Diana, Princess of Wales Memorial Fountain.

Such is the gravity of the situation that Geldof is believed to be heading yet another posse of ageing rock stars to negotiate a new live gig in the central London park.

A spokesman for the benefit organisers said this morning that such a concert would remind the world of the immense influence on global suffering he and his fellow musicians have had, especially on politicians such as those who attended last year's G8 summit at Gleneagles in Scotland:

"It ain't exactly another Africa disaster looming, but if the hot weather continues and the utility companies fail to stop the 100 a day mains bursts in central London, then we could be in for a pretty dry spell that would really get Londoners itching for another benefit gig in the Park ."

As London basked in near-tropical temperatures today, Thames Water stated its recently posted £2billion profits for 2005/6 were hardly extravagant if you take into account the cost of alternative supplies, such as Evian, Vichy or Highland Spring.

Meanwhile, world leaders from last year's G8 summit have resolutely ignored the plight of the drought stricken in London.

A spokesman for No10 Downing Street has confirmed that the PM would continue to fill up his swimming pool at the official retreat at Chequers every weekend, as would all the other incumbents of ministerial grace and favour residences dotted around the capital.

The news comes as the UK Metereological Office confirmed that only some sort of global cataclysm in the earth's stratosphere could alter weather conditions to the extent of a downpour of such Biblical proportions that Londoners could be saved.

"Even Rooney breaking another metatarsyl during the opening England game against Paraguay would not be sufficient to trigger the generation of enough hot air on Planet Earth to aggrevate the global warming differentials needed for a damned good three day inundation", warned their official.

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