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Wednesday, 18 July 2012

image for Mobile Networks to Stop Texting
The Text Police

A new law has been invoked to persuade mobile users to speak rather than text. Medical professionals are frequently treating mobile users with Short Thumb Syndrome, a disease which eats away at texting thumbs.

Doctor Sawyer of the University of Lazz8, Italy said "This is a huge problem. People are struggling to live their day-to-day lives. Picking up a chop stick is impossible. These people can't even speak properly."

Mobile networks have spent millions researching this syndrome and have concluded that texting should be a last resort. All major networks have agreed to reduce the cost of calling and increase the rate for texting.

Chief Inspector Dial spoke of punishing those who text too often: "People who walk and text without looking, will be punished. Drivers who text and drive, will be punished. Mobile networks will report anyone sending more than three texts per day. They will all be punished."

Courts have already sentenced over-texters to time without their mobile. One case saw an electronic tag being enforced on a Manchester woman's phone. Her name can not be shown for legal reasons, but she said "It's awful. The tag is clumsy, the colour is wrong and doesn't even fit in my clutch bag. I will certainly think twice before texting again."

Another user, Sharon Star, said "What am I going to do if I can't text? I'm no good at speaking to people, I can never think of anything to say. I'm going to protest, voice my opinions to the government. This can't happen to me."

Once this new law establishes itself, we will all see an increase in conversation levels and fewer quiet moments in the corner of public house where a groups of friends are all texting other people.

Gone are the times of emoticons, back are real smiles!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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