Written by queen mudder
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Monday, 16 July 2012

image for 'Whorsemeat sausages' all the rage among Kazahk Olympic shot put hopefuls
Try rubbing a fresh sliver 'you-know-where' to heal complications of anal bleaching

London - 'Kazy Karta' chipolatas made from surplus Kazakh thoroughbreds will be beefing up the country's shot put team's Olympic chances according to an announcement today.

The Astana delicacy has an awesome reputation among the nation's gastropods - er...gastronomes! - who reckon it boosts production of the male whoremoan testosterone.

It will feature daily on the menu at the Kazakh 2012 team's HQ where it will be available to be eaten raw {gulp!] - or boiled, braised, baked, barbecued, sauteed, steamed, pan-fried and/or roasted in a range of scrumptious sauces.

Superior cuts of the equine flesh can also be used in a variety of medical applications much like sirloin steak for a black eye.

During the 2008 Beijing Olympics raw equine ribeye was credited as a miracle restorative treatment for athlete's foot.

"Just rubbing slithers of freshly sliced flesh on the afflicted, er, member can work wonders inside 10 minutes," the head of Kazakh Olympic medical support commented this afternoon.

Other popular cuts such as silverside and rump can be put to work to good effect in treating warts, oozing pustules and complications of over-zealous anal bleaching.

A single 4oz slice of whorsemeat fillet is said to feature in cutting-edge Kazakh IVF procedures by boosting sperm motility among the testicularly-challenged.

500g of the minced product sells for twenty squid in Harab's Food Hole in London's Knightsbridge and at a nearby Cheval Place chacuterie owned by the Agha Khan.

Shergar's been missing for nigh on 30 years.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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