Written by queen mudder
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Topics: London, England

Tuesday, 6 June 2006

image for Thatcher demise 'imminent'
HATS OFF to The Guardian's STEVE BELL xxx

London - (Associated Mess): UK military top brass and spook chiefs have finalised arrangements for Margaret Thatcher's funeral, to co-incide with the day after the England football team thrashes Germany 3-0 at the World Cup in Munich.

The news was confirmed by UK spread-betting bookmakers Aintgottaprayer.com who are offering a range of odds for the event to occur during the tournament when "most UK voters would like to see her drop dead".

"Some of us have waited a long, long time for this historic event", commented an MoD official spokesman, "and would have been entirely happy to have arranged things accordingly during the 2002 event in South Korea.

"Others, mostly in So13 Special Branch and Anti-Terrorism Unit, would have been even happier if things had been properly sorted out during the 1998 tournament in France, but the Old Gal was much too sprightly for most people and we had to wait for the Queen Mum and Princess Margaret to croak first so as not to upset official protocol."

At the Foreign Office, MI6 commanders are hopeful of a triple whammy at the end of the World Cup and are pencilling in their diaries for Thatcher to be joined by General Pinochet and President George Bush Senior in a gala of global farewell ceremonies culminating in a grand finale carbon emissions binge at crematoria in London, Texas and Bogota.

Meanwhile, a Mossad official spokesman has tossed in his own agency's plea for Pope Joseph Ratzinger to be considered for the festivities along with Prince Philip and the Queen with their entire complement of ageing corgis "who are letting the side down with their terminal bladder problems and history of halitosis".

The concept also has some appeal at the Kremlin where former KGB spooks have drawn up their own wish list to include Boris Yeltsin and jailed UK 'historian' David Irving.

A Downing Street spokesman has been unable to confirm or deny recent reports that a custom-made skip decorated with the Flag of St George has been commissioned specially for the Thatcher funeral when her remains are expected to be paraded through the streets of London on top of mountains of shredded NATO military intelligence dossiers dating back to the mid-1980s that had originally predicted the events of 9/11 and the collapse of Texan energy giant ENRON......

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