London - "Bwahaha, we'll never live this one down!" was the only royal comment as 'intimate' pics of the happy newlyweds went viral on the net today.
The Seychelles honeymoon images reveal absolutely nothing remotely bordering on swimwear shots in what's being called a major constitutional crisis by Palace heir-watchers.
Instead pics of the royal pair show them playing Scrabhole - a word-building board game that's a cross between snakes-n-ladders and Star Trek Mr Spock's three-dimensional chess where scores from downward facing words count in minus totals.
This morning the pictures were being rolled out across internet sites dispelling lurid rumors of 'topless' and even 'bottomless' beachside snaps taken by rogue paparazzi.
Close-ups seen by QM-NewsCorpse stringers shows Kate mostly wearing a sensible cardie over a patterned knee-length floral frock.
William meanwhile is kitted out in the same military regalia that saw him walk up the aisle at Westmonster Abbey.
Other 'telltale' signs focus on the pair's choice of words with most of Kate's upwards-climbing selections as bling-related - for instance 'dress allowance', 'tiara' and 'loadsadosh'.
William's meanwhile are much more prosaic focusing on hereditary procreation issues such as 'sperm motility', 'in vitro fertilization' and 'fertility god'.
Naturally the couple is said to be devastated.
Prince Philip is close to 94.