Written by Quentin Muffin
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Topics: Tony Blair

Tuesday, 10 July 2012

image for Tony Blair to make a Comeback!
Lionel Blair

Tony Blair, the erstwhile choreographer and television presenter, could be set for a dramatic comeback after he left our screens some years ago.

Away from mainstream publicity, Mr. Blair has been touring the Middle East promoting his successful one-man show where he has tap danced around eminent politicians and dignitaries. "They just can't get enough of me," he said "I owe it to the British public to return." He has also been giving after dinner speeches which can earn him as much as twenty-five pounds an evening. There may be a setback to Mr. Blair's plans, however; a recent MORI poll showed 113% of the public voted against his particular brand of camp, slick, tightly-choreographed shows. One commentator went further and said "He'll never be forgiven by those of us that remember 'Give us a clue' and the devastating effect it had on the intellect of its viewers." When asked to expand on this, he replied, "… do you have a marker pen and flipchart?"

We also caught up with Una Stubbs, one of the original Blair babes, for her comments. Una , who now works the checkout at her local Morrison's said, "To be honest I never did like the man. In fact I always thought he was a bit of a … one word, one syllable, sounds like punt."*

Meanwhile, Alastair Campbell, Blair's mistress and one-time secretary, appeared on the 'Andrew Marr' Show last Sunday. Campbell cut a pretty figure in his pink frock, white ankle socks and red heels as he dismissed the MORI poll findings saying "Well, 113% is hardly a majority is it? Anyway, we never take much notice of opinion polls unless they indicate the result we want." Later that day, Marr and Campbell were seen holding hands as they dined together at a nearby carvery.

Lionel Blair, 103, has been in hiding since leading the country into an illegal war with Iraq.

*Editor's note: Can you help us? If you can solve this riddle, then mark a post card as "I haven't a clue," followed by your one word answer and leave the postcard behind the cistern of trap number two, Scunthorpe railway station toilets.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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