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Monday, 9 July 2012

image for Murray Set for Male Singles...Pop Career
Bye tennis. Hello Rock!!

Pop mogul and human-yet-waxwork Simon Fuller has signed Andy Murray to his label and looks set to launch his solo music career.

After numerous sightings in Murray's corner throughout Wimbledon rumours started circulating about their relationship. The Scot has became deeply disillusioned with Tennis and is understood to want out and focus on writing music.

Fuller has described Murrays writing as 'melancholic, ambient, multi layered tales of major tennis tournament agony', and also as "Ace! hee hee hee." He went on, "But seriously he will SERVE you up some great melodies hee hee hee, forgive me. Honestly his songs are sure to SMASH the UK charts to pieces hee he", a journalist then punched Fuller in the face.

Murrays material is most comparable to Radiohead with the bands lead singer Thom Yorke seen as something of a role model to Murray. The track 'Backhand Compliment' is particularly bittersweet with swipes at the London-centric media juxtaposed with nostalgic references to great matches. 'Courting' is dedicated to his girlfriend Kim Sears whom he met at the 2005 US Open, while 'Love-All' appears to be a fanciful dreamscape of an opportunity to be alive in the '60's'.

'Double Fault Lines' is an ode to a failed relationship that an unrepentant yet diplomatic Murray utters was "complete and utter folly...but i loved your verbal volleys". The album concludes with a defiant message, entitled 'Advantage Murray' declaring his contentment with imminent pop stardom and at being rid of "Nadal et al".

Once again then Murray will aim for British number one - but in the music charts rather than tennis rankings. The album will be available in all record shops that still exist and is called 'Let Chord'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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