Written by Quentin Muffin
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Topics: Music, Guitar

Monday, 9 July 2012

image for Gutarist's Son says he's learned his lesson
Not Charles Philmore

Charles Philmore, son of lead guitarist Dave "Mr Happy" Philmore of the prog-rock behemoths Purple Cloud, walked free from prison today after spending three  of his six month sentence for inciting indolence. Charlie, dressed in knee length buckle boots, a cape and lavender coloured scarf rocked back on his heels, tipped his top hat to reporters and said at the prison gates today. "I've learned my lesson and I've paid for my crime." He then went on to say that he fears for the next uprising of apathy and langour. Charles, 63, claimed that prison was no deterrent to indolence: "My fellow inmates spend twenty three hours a day lounging about. Really, they should all be locked up."

While his fellow students were actively involved in the popular summer pastime of rioting in the cities throwing bricks at police, burning cars, furniture apartments and mugging tourists. It was Charles, you may remember, that was photographed swinging in a hammock in the grounds of his fathers mansion last summer that so shocked the great British public. Their
tolerance was further stretched when it was reported that, on his arrest, the only narcotic found in his possession was a quarter bottle of watered down Pimms.

"It's disgraceful!" One commentator was heard to say "This is not the sort of
behaviour we expect from sons of the rock fraternity. What is the world coming to?"
 
As part of his rehabilitation, Charles is required to attend a correctional course that includes how to wreck a hotel room, drink hard liquor by the bottle and how to find your local tattoo parlour. 
 
Update: Since this report was written Charles was stopped and applauded outside a Tesco supermarket when he walked out with a bottle of mineral water in his hand without paying.The magistrate said that he had clearly learned his lesson and dropped all further charges against him for returning to University and getting his head down.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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