Written by Tommy Twinkle
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Sunday, 8 July 2012

image for Olympic Opening Ceremony Theme Change Following German Boycott Threat!
Big Mouth!

The German government has threatened to boycott the London 2012 Olympic Games unless the theme for the opening ceremony is changed. Britain's Prime Minister David Cameron had to be told of the surprise theme being prepared for spectators after he'd made enquiries with the army about why he hadn't been told about the ground to air missiles being placed on top of buildings around the capital. He then revealed the secret theme to German chancellor Angela Merkel during a telephone conversation with her last week. Explains Olympic Organising Chairman Seb Coe;

"When we heard that the Prime Minister was asking questions to the army about the missiles we knew they'd tell him they knew nothing about them because in fact those are the locations of the secret search lights and state of the art hologram machines we'd been putting in place ready to project into the sky above East London the Battle of Britain Olympic theme on 27 July. I can't understand why he then went and blurted it out to Angela," said a clearly annoyed Sebastian Coe.

"He hasn't just told her about the general theme but has gone into all the details as well. He's told her about the hologram German bombers we'd be having in the skies with the sound of there engines being played through the stadium speaker systems, he's told her of how it was all going to start with the air raid sirens over the stadium's speakers, of the sounds of the German Junkers bombers arriving over East London and the searchlights dancing around the sky trying to find them, of the whistling sound of there bombs falling from the sky and exploding around the stadium accompanied by the realistic holograms of flames shooting up from the ground, and we were even going to have one of the hologram bombs apparently landing on the running track but then not going off, just steaming there on the track. Then we were to have the hologram spitfires the spectators would have seen having there dog fights over East London shooting down the Gernman Nazi bombers in flames, and to finish it all off the all clear siren sounding followed by Katherine Jenkins singing 'White Cliffs of Dover' in a nice low cut dress."

The idea behind the theme was to link Britain's 'finest hour' of The Battle Of Britain during WWII with the new 'finest hour' of Britain's staging of the 2012 Olympics.

"It would have been fantastic," claims Seb, "but the Prime Minister is now saying we mustn't upset the Germans and that we have to come up with 'a more appropriate' opening ceremony theme. Something more to their liking he says."

The Olympic Organising chairman has warned people not to expect too much from the replacement theme.

"We'll do our best of course," he promises, "but there's not much time to organise another spectacular display so it's likely to be just a few fireworks with perhaps a Chas 'n' Dave record or two being played over the speakers. I just hope London can take it!" he said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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