Written by queen mudder
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Saturday, 7 July 2012

image for 'Riggs Bank Was Our Role Model' says rate-rigging bank's Deep Throat
No oil rigs were involved, only snake oil financiers

London - The failed American bank behind every imaginable financial scam involving General Pinochet has set the benchmark high Our-Man-In-Hole-in-the-Wall-Street said today.

His secret communique to QM-NewsCorpse stringers has laid bare details of the unfolding scandal which talked up Sharkleys position 'much like the Dodgy WMD Dossier of Tony Blair's war'.

Decades of money laundering, dodgy derivatives trading, percentage skimming and related Illuminati bollox were unsurpassed in their heyday by any other fly-by-night institution - apart from the Vatican Bank and BCCI**.

This weekend Sharklays Bank directors were holed up in a secret safe house as the Serious Fraud Orifice announced a criminal investigation of its bent, market-rigging business model.

Talk apparently centres on the the departure of Bob 'Rough' Diamond-Jubilee, ex-CEO and sometime whizz kid, whose sudden exit has shaken the High Street usurer's bigwigs to the very core.

The bank stands accused of rubbish practices in a crony-ish arrangement with City regulators, politicians, Establishment grandees and veterans of myriad loan shark scams.

Not even David Cameron's promise of a Paramilitary - er...Parliamentary! - whitewash [sorry, Inquiry] can erase the tarnish inflicted on their pride and joy.

Shares in Sharkleys have plunged horribly as details of the scam emerge.

Expect a run on deposits 'any day now' as a fleet of new police paddywagons arrive at Scotland Yard.

** And not forgetting Barings, Lemon Brothers, Bear Stearns, Silverado Savings And Loan, Banco Ambrosiano, Herstatt Bank, Long Term Credit Bank of Japan, Northern Crock, Bradford & Bingley, Iceland's Landsbanki/Glitnir/Kaupthing Bank, Anglo-Irish Bank, Alliance Bank of Kazakhstan, Bank of Antigua, and royal UK bank Coutts And Co - etc, etc.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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