Written by queen mudder
Print this

Tuesday, 3 July 2012

image for Anti-aircraft missiles to be deployed from Thames cable cars during Olympics
Providing back-up: anti-aircraft guns on roof of Lexington Building in Tower Hamlets

London - Hundreds of rapier and high velocity anti-aircraft missiles are to be deployed from cable cars above the Thames.

The recently opened £60 million river crossing links the O2 Arena in Greenwich and the ExCel exhibition centre at East London's Royal Docks.

Installation of 360-degree swivel batteries capable of housing the rockets starts this week in tandem with civilian travel enabling equipment 'such as Oyster Card readers'.

"We got the idea from a new James Bond 007 script," UK Defence secretary Philip Hammond admitted this morning during an announcement of the innovative scheme.

Fully automated remote controlled guidance systems would ensure any 9/11-style airborne attack on the Capital 'would be pulverised within seconds'.

"They won't like it up 'em, hehe!" Hammond added emphatically.

The Thames weapons system joins a number of high profile buildings around the Olympic site which will house rooftop ground-based air defence systems.

These include high-velocity missiles at strategic London sites such as the Lexington Building, Fairfield Road, Bow, Tower Hamlets.

The tower block was chosen following the successful removal of a residents' ad hoc herb container garden featuring mostly basil, parsley and rocket and matching water feature.

The Fred Wigg Tower, Montague Road Estate, Waltham Forest is also in the frame for hosting attack rockets despite residents' fears that 'once they're up there for the Games they'll never come down again'.

A dry run of some of the weapons systems is scheduled to take place early next week.

Make queen mudder's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 4 multiplied by 1?

1 4 8 12
98 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more