Stuart Pearce has hinted that the reason for David Beckham's exclusion from the British Olympic football team could be age related immobility. On Sunday when asked the question, "Why did you leave David Beckham out of your team?" Pearce raised his eyebrows in a way that suggested that his eyebrows were better than David's because they are mobile.
As everyone who knows anything about football knows, football is mostly about the eyebrows. All communication that happens on the pitch is conveyed via raises and wiggles of the furry bits about the eyes. But David's eyebrows are so full of botox, that they now just hover in a fantastical gravity defying way somewhere near the top of his head.
"Its a sad fact," Said a close friend, "that David Beckham's eyebrows are no longer able to convey the messages that football requires. He did know this could happen, though. He'd been warned by top plastic surgeons way back in 2006, that eventually if he took too much botox, his eyebrows would stay frozen forever in a permanantly shocked cartoon expression."
Friends of Stuart Pearce said he would have loved David to have been on the team but it wasn't possible. He just went too far in the name of vanity and now he has destroyed his football career. Stuart is hoping to set up a charity later this year called. "Say No To Bo." because he doesn't want another career to be ended the way David's has been.
Stuart's friends expect that he will have a hard battle ahead, though. Footballers are getting more and more vain every day, and the call of the toxin they call Bo is getting more and more alluring. One footballer, who will remain nameless, has taken to botoxing his whole body and now sits in his garden all day pretending to be a statue. That's how bad its got. Imagine if that happened to the England team? They'd be kicked out after the third game...Oh, what's that I can hear someone saying? That really did happen. Oh no. The Botox is winning.
By Katarina Frogpond.