Written by queen mudder
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Saturday, 30 June 2012

image for Julian Assange demands emergency anti-sleepwalking pills as bail-break cops surround embassy
Noted shrink/naturopath/osteopath/sociopath Prof Einstein Flintstone is on the case

London - Fears he might accidentally sleepwalk out of Ecuador's Knightsbridge legation are preying on the bail fugitive's mind.

A 3am foray into the ambassador Ana Alban's private fridge and unexplained loss of yummy goodies have been self-diagnosed by the extradition defendant as a classic example of somnambulism nocturnal munchies.

So far the tally includes a 250gm tub of Beluga caviar, half a dozen oysters, truffle-infused spaghetti hoops and two bottles of vintage Bollinger.

A kilo box of luxury Belgian chocolates, two Harrabs cheesecakes, fifteen La Duree macaroons and the Military Attache's stash of liquorice allsorts are also believed to be in the frame.

Today Julian Assange hinted he was 'powerless' about the bizarre condition and demanded an emergency consultation with leading sleepwalking shrink Professor Einstein Flintstone.

The Royal Freak Hospital emeritus consultant is a world-class expert as well as a top naturopath and sociopath - er...osteopath!

Peers regard him as extremely well versed with the distressing syndrome which he's described in great detail in Mind Boggling News, the official journal of the Non-Aligned Head Doctors Convention.

This morning his Roller was seen parked in Hans Crescent close to the embassy building where Assange remains holed up.

By lunchtime reports that the Wikileaks ex-founder 'had seriously sleepwalked his way' into a massive diplomatic crisis were easily rubbished by Flintstone's pharmacist.

"The Prof has blamed some rogue mickey finns," Albert Pipette tweeted, "for a minor incident involving up to ten grands' worth of refrigerated goods.

"Wanna buy some homeopathetic discount Mr Blues? Absolute bargain at hundred squid a pop."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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