Written by IainB
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Saturday, 30 June 2012

image for Self-defence class for cross dressers ends in tragedy
The only place cross dressers are willing to train

It was a classic case of it seemed like a good idea at the time when Ollie Cromwell started his self-defence class for cross dressers.

"Cross dressers get physically assaulted more than any other group," said Cromwell. "Women have had self-defence classes, children too. I felt it was time for society's hidden group to be able to protect themselves."

The first problem was that the first group of cross-dressers who signed up, didn't feel up to going to a busy inner city gym to practice.

"They weren't very, erm, feminine," said Cromwell. "I think the difference between a cross dresser and a transvestite is that you at least think, well, perhaps she is...with a transvestite. The cross dressers need self-defence training."

With the cross dressers unwilling to risk visiting the city, Cromwell arranged to teach his first group in a field in Dorset.

"They were happy with this," said Cromwell. "But woefully under-prepared for an actual real field."

According to Cromwell, all four turned up in heels, mini-skirts and strapy tops.

"It wasn't the best attire for a field in Britain in June," said Cromwell. "It was a little cold and wet. It was also inappropriate attire for a self-defence class."

With four inexperienced cross dressing karate novices in a field, there was only ever going to be one outcome.

"One got a seven inch long gouge across her chest, completely taking out her false boob," said Cromwell, remembering that cross dressers prefer the appropriate pronoun. "Another nearly had her eye taken out when a bra strap came undone and flew across the space."

There were two twisted ankles, one broken wrist, four damaged egos and six very amused paramedics.

"I think I'll stick to self-defence for the under ones," said Cromwell. "The worst that happens there, is you get pee in your eye."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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