London - Slumming it in Kensington Palace's Nottingham Cottage is such a chore when all the in-laws are holed up in palatial splendor.
But all that could end early next week as Kate and William face eviction from their grace and favor pad to join assorted East European pikeys under Marble Arch.
It won't be the first time either of them has done it, mind; in Kate's case it's a simple re-run of nocturnal activities during her 2007 split from Wills.
That separation has been traced directly to PM Gorgon Brown's clampdown on any 'royal' wedding between Tony B Liar's son and Cherry's Bush's daughter.
With hindsight lots of the dour old git's biggest detractors are now hailing the refusal as an unprecedented stroke of statesmanship.
And promising to publish a complementary Kate's-Rough-Sleeping-Caper App of the various bedding down locations during the 18 month separation.
A downloadable map accompanies the facility featuring various regimental barracks, Blackshirt hideyholes and KGB safe houses for rough 'sleeper' moles.
"Sadly we've had to remove all reference to the royal skips where Kate used to spend the night," an IT geek commented today.
"Wanna see footage of her in a Balmoral kennels singing 'I Will Survive' while twanging her comely ukelele?"