Written by El Presidente
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Topics: Cats

Wednesday, 27 June 2012

A family pet has become the first animal to be officially diagnosed as special needs after it became trapped in the same place for the eighth time this year.

The cat, Daley, named after former Olympic Decathlon Champion Daley Thompson, once again found himself trapped inside the airing cupboard at the home of his owners, Edward and Barbara Fox.

The Fox's had spent several hours searching for their pet believing that he could have been outside, calling his name and making" ch-ch-ch" sounds and waving around an open can of tuna, wafting it in the air in the hope the cat would pick up the smell over the stench of urban decay.

The Fox's live in Bognor Regis.

Eventually, after the couple had devised several highly unlikely scenarios including theories that Daley could be living a double life and was safely curled up in the old lady's lap who lived three doors down, that he been kidnapped by a Chinese Restaurant, that he been eaten by a wolf and that he had been shot by kids with an air rifle or had being taken by similar kids and had fireworks attached to his personage, they heard meowing coming from upstairs.

Once again Daley had somehow managed to become trapped in the airing cupboard and once again he had taken a giant dump in an enclosed space, causing Edward Fox to vomit upon opening the airing cupboard door.

Daley was then subsequently diagnosed by the Fox family as being "mental", "retarded", "a spacker" and eventually declared to be suffering from "special needs syndrome" theories put forward by 12 year old David Fox who may have unwittingly been responsible for the whole sorry incident when he went to collect his Man United top that was drying in the airing cupboard, which of course, he denied.

Using David's own words, his father called him a bit of a "mong".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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