Written by queen mudder
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Tuesday, 26 June 2012

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Ecuador Justice Minister wanted fifty million squid

London - The Wikileaks founder is in shock tonight as the promised big blow job from the Prez of Ecuador finally failed to come up with the goods.

He's been given the bum's rush by Rafael Correa despite prostrating himself 'naked' before Ecuador's corrupt-as-hell regime.

Tonight he remains holed up in their Knightsbridge legation, a James Bond-style armored car getaway to a disused military airfield nothing more than a broken pipe dream.

Ambassador Ana Alban appears buoyant despite the disastrous recent round trip to Quito where Ecuador Justice [sic] Ministry honchos calculated the price of Assange's proposed naturalization.

Fifty million dollars and all the dirt on US super major Chevron opened up the ante before the bail jumper would be considered ready to be sprung from London.

"Something or someone must have got up Correa's nose for him to treat me this abominable way," Assange was heard blubbering in the Hans Crescent hideyhole.

So that just leaves Pyongyang and Syria as the remaining sanctuary options, a tentative offer from Zimbabwe's Robert Mugabe a hellhole too far.

Bradley Manning is 55.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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