London - Secret DNA-harvesting sensors installed in House of Commons urinals have finally registered their biggest hit.
Months of meticulous 'taking the piss' have thrown up new data on Nick Clegg's bloodlines, first flagged up as suspicious following a Prime Monster's Questions rant.
The mid-December 2011 throwaway remark was meant to diffuse Coalition tensions over Cameron's relationship with his Deputy, described by 99% of Tories as a devious troll.
Today's shock findings reveal the two men are connected by the same paternal DNA traced to Hellfire Club paterfamilias Tony B Liar.
"We're still deciphering Clegg's maternal genome," a source at the National Poisons Unit DNA testing centre said today.
"Initial findings show a strong link to dementia-addled Russian dinosaurs, long thought extinct since the death of Rasputin."
Tomorrow's unveiling of Clegg's House of Lords reforms sees backbenchers preparing to torpedo what many among 'The 22' say is a pathetic Stalinist ploy.
"If you thought Gorgon Brown was psychologically flawed, you're in for a real treat," is how one backbencher put it to QM-NewsCorpse stringers at lunchtime today.
"Clegg makes Brown look like bloody Einstein by comparison.
"Wanna see pics of Nick the in a lurex leopard-print mankini sipping cocktails with Syria's President Assad?"
Miriam Clegg is 69.