Written by El Presidente
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Sunday, 24 June 2012

Talks between President and Pizza Hut collapsed completely late last night as both sides resorted to name calling and threats of legal action as the ongoing crisis entered its sixth day, prompting the United Nations to declare an emergency and appoint former Monkey's drummer Mickey Dolenz as a special envoy to try and broker a deal between the two sides.

Crisis talks had resumed Friday between the President and Pizza Hut over the delivery of a family sized pizza and a bottle of a cola, and initially appeared to be going well, unfortunately what some are suggesting might have been a breakdown in communication, talks ended abruptly with the slamming down of phones and the use of the "N" word unfortunately creeping into the proceedings.

The stumbling block had been the Presidents refusal to disclose the promotion code on coupons he claims are valid and in date that offer $5 off his order.

Pizza Hut representatives had said they are unable to verify these coupons unless the numbers and codes are passed onto them while the President insists that this is not relevant and once the pizza is delivered he will hand over the vouchers and the residual amount owed to the kid who delivers the pizza.

Officials at Pizza Hut ended all talks after the President suggested he regretted ordering a pizza in the first place and wished he had sent his wife to Taco Bell to get Nachos instead.

A Pizza Hut spokesman said "As soon as he mentioned the "N" word, that was it, we will not entertain the notion of Nachos, it is not what we are about and if he wants to go down that route then he may however there will be consequences. We are talking a complete embargo by Pizza Hut of ever delivering to the White House again and that just does not include the President. The embargo would affect rank and file civil servants who are employed there also."

In light of this statement the United Nations declared Dolenz as a possible peacemaker in the crisis.

The crisis has now entered its seven day and the President is said to be rapidly losing weight and despite an offer from Dominos and a tentative proposal from Papa John's is still a long way from obtaining his goal of eating a dough based Italian snack.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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