According to an ex-cabinet Tory minister the recent gaffs by Prime Minister David Cameron, his latest being when he referred to an immoral scheme being used by a famous British comedian as a way of paying as little tax as possible, is causing such concern behind the scenes of the Tory party that many of its bigwigs are to meet in secret during the next few days to decide whether the time has now arrived to dump Cameron as Prime Minister and replace him with someone who would be better able to present lies to the public as and when required.
Sir Peregrine Partridge-Greenwelly, ex--government Minister of Austerity has revealed the secret meetings now planned to take place on his website called 'Sir PPG Tells It As It Is'.
The now self-confessed destitute knight of the realm, who declared himself bankrupt last month after his south-sea island coconut plantation was destroyed by 50000mph 'Hurricane Haarp', says there are suspicions David Cameron may have 'got religion' after their daughter Nancy answered a knock on the front door of Number 10 a few weeks ago and invited in a couple of Jehovah's Witnesses, since which he says the Prime Minister spends hours each morning and night praying, and the MI5 chaps listening to the bug in their bathroom just hear him singing 'Jesus wants me for a sunbeam' every time he shaves or takes a shower.
't's very serious,' writes Sir PPG on his website, 'In fact Her Majesty has had to be told of the situation and has asked to be kept informed of any new developments. The plan to do a few under the counter government contract deals with the Tory donars in return for them paying for the new giant Britania boat Philip's promised to get for his wife simply isn't going to happen for as long as Cameron's at the helm of the taxpayers ship.'
'Cameron's saying any government contracts have to go to the best person in future, to those who know how to get the job done as cheaply as possible. The very idea of a back hander is like a red rag to a bull at Number 10 now.'
According to Sir PPG the person most likely to take over as PM would be Sir Ian Duncan-Smith. 'There's plenty of others who could be trusted to do what the bigwigs tell them to do,' he writes, 'but when it comes to lying through the teeth that Ian chap is head and shoulders above the lot of them put together. He's got the experience having been doing it since he was a little boy'.