Written by Tommy Twinkle
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Sunday, 24 June 2012

image for London Ban On Men Over 40 Wearing Tracksuits During 2012 Olympics!
Men over the age 40 seen to be wearing tracksuits in London this summer will have their collars felt.

The government has announced that all men over the age of 40 are to be banned from wearing tracksuits in London as from midnight 27 July to midnight 12 August this year.

Police will be out in force on the streets of London throughout the duration of the Olympic Games looking to arrest on sight anyone they suspect of wearing the illegal clothing. Offenders can expect to face fines of up to £10000 and/or a maximum custodial prison sentence of two years. Tracksuit bottoms will be permitted to be worn between the hours of 8am to 8pm at weekends to allow for those who may be taking part in other sporting pursuits during those periods, but even just tracksuit leggings or jackets will not be permitted worn at any other time. However, there is some good news for men over the age of forty who like to wear tracksuits at home - the ban will only apply to tracksuits being worn in a public place.

Although the ban on the wearing of tracksuits will apply mainly just within those parts of inner London currently covered by the Congestion Zone, it will also extend further out around the area closest to where the main Olympic complex is situated in Stratford, East London and could even include parts of the bordering County of Essex out to as far as the leafy town of Epping.

Announcing the tracksuit ban yesterday from 10 Downing Street, an unusually truthful David Cameron explained frankly why the government considers the ban to be necessary. He said that not to do so would result in Britain being made a laughing stock around the globe with millions of the world's TV viewers seeing thousands of fat and unfit London men over the age of 40 prancing around the streets of London in tracksuits convinced that simply by wearing them somehow turns them instantly into fit and healthy 18 year old teenagers again whereas in reality those looking at them are just thinking 'what a prat!'.

Pointing out that the ban would not apply to wearing tracksuits in the privacy of one's own home he said, "If people want to wear a tracksuit in the privacy of their own homes then that's their business and not that of the government's. This ban will only apply to the wearing of them in any public place. But let me make it absolutely clear that I am not going to allow these idiots to prance around London during these Olympics thinking they're suddenly God's gift to women in those ridiculous tracksuits. Britain will be under the world's spotlight throughout the duration of the games and it is essential that we present the right impression to the people around the world. This is to be a once in a lifetime opportunity for Britain and I am not going stand idly by and let thousands of immature men ruin the future of this country for everyone else. It's not as if I'm ordering everyone to stay in their homes and not step outside their front doors unless they're dressed up to the nines like they're about to go off to spend the day at Royal Ascot, just wear clothes befitting your age and don't go out looking like a complete pillock."

It is understood psychologists had warned the government earlier this year that this summer could see thousands of over 40 year old London men wearing tracksuits on the streets in place of soccer shirts especially if the summer temperature this year turned out to be cold and damp. The recent monsoons across Britain with snow now forecast for next month is believed to have been why the government has decided to inform people of the ban now rather than later so as to give them time to buy more appropriate clothes to wear in public during the next couple of months.

The Prime Minister was asked why the ban will apply only to men.

"We'll be keeping an eye on that," he said, "and if too many over 40 year old women are observed to be wearing tracksuits we will of course immediately extend the ban to include members of both sexes. Meanwhile I would simply ask anyone who sees a woman of around that age wearing a tracksuit to try to discourage them from doing so in the future by going up to them, and in a polite manner of course, firstly tell them what a pretty face they have then add something along the lines of perhaps, 'but if you don't mind me saying, your bum looks very big in those tracksuit bottoms'. Be firm but also leave her with some plan of action she could take to improve her appearance by saying something like, 'it would be far less noticeable if you were to instead wear a large loose fitting skirt, and you could easily make two of them from the canvas of an old tent in these times of austerity luv.'"

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