Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 22 June 2012

image for London Z-listers flock to Brad and Angelina's Midsummer's Day party
Brad's shrink - a specialist in medical marijuana pain management, is also invited

Surrey - Bottom-of-the barrel non-entities and other wannabes are arriving in droves at the Hollywood couple's rented pad this weekend located in the Premiership footballers' adultery haven near Oxshott.

The ten bedroom mock-Tudorbethan pile in the middle of the Village has been feng shui'd to the armpits after Angelina's astrologer pointed out the sheer magnificence of a Sun Trine Neptune aspect on Sunday.

"Brilliant for parties, champagne and music - that's Neptune's message to 'earthbound' stars," Persephone Magenta tweeted this evening as caterers' pantechnicons, groaning with booze, arrived at the maximum security check-in outside the Surrey mansion.

Unfortunately the soothsayer's astrological advice has failed to mention that the watery planet's rulership of the Big Screen, the entertainment industry and the supernatural also includes oversight of drunks, stoners and assorted con artists...

"Like celeb TV chef Jamie Oliver and his gargoyle missus, heheh," resident Brangelina poolman and Brad factotum Herbie 'The Herb' Greenpip muttered to himself as details of the cook's invitation made the Friday evening news.

Neptune's also the planet of sudden deluges as the 'But bring your galoshes, it might piss down' advice on the invites' RSVPs mentions ahead of torrential rainstorms forecast for Sunday.

On the plus side the Midsummer Night's Eve-themed festivities are pure Neptunian as the planet's long time association with illusion/delusion shows.

Among Z-lister celebs and other dross that the Hollywood couple has invited are Brad's shrink - a specialist in medical marijuana pain management - including pain-in-the-ass stuff like a nagging, suspicious spouse.

The couple's taxation accountants will also be there, a Harley Street proctologist 'famous for saving movie stars' asses', half a dozen investment bankers and the Jolie-Pitts kids' trust fund managers.

Oh and Pippa Middleton with her latest squeeze, rumored to be a Russian oligarch with Vietnamese roots and a Cayman Islands gold bullion depository.

Oleg Deripaska is 69.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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