London, Monday 22 May 2006 - (Associated Mess): Horticulture fans were stunned today at the start of the 2006 Chelsea Flower Show when VIP visitor Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall was found crashed out in one of the show gardens after sampling one of the 'healing herbs' exhibits.
Crew members from the St John's Ambulance rushed to the Cannabis Sativa Healing Herbs Garden following reports that the Duchess had stripped naked, danced around the hippeastrums, turned a lurid shade of green and finally collapsed near an eco-friendly compost heap.
The Duchess had been invited as a VIP guest by the Royal Horticultural Society in her capacity as Official Patron of the Osteoporosis Division of the Ancient American Order of the Skull 'N' Bones, and is well known to share her husband's interest in alternative therapies and complementary medicine.
Initial reports suggested that she had strayed from the official VIP route touring around the Chelsea exhibits after a whiff of something exotic had stirred her nostrils - reportedly still in a state of constant flux after recent attempts to give up nicotine.
Wandering into a herbal remedies showcase garden, the Duchess was immediately drawn to the 'Free Samples' stand behind the potting shed section of the exhibit where temptation took its inevitable toll and she lit up one of the freebies on offer.
When the royal party eventually arrived, she was already laughing hysterically after throwing caution and her underwear to the wind, and enacting a passable dance interpretation of Stravinsky's 'Rite of Spring'.
However, so powerful was the chemical reaction in her body that she immediately began sprouting little green stems out hair follicles on her body. Some of the shoots on her face began to flower, shedding gusts of pollen onto her cheeks.
Paramedics were initially cautious about disturbing the somnolescent figure and had to radio for help to the emergency clinic at the National Poisons Unit, which eventually advised that this was an unique opportunity to take swabs from the Duchess, with the possibility of turning them into skin patches similar to those available on the NHS for nicotine withdrawal.
Prince Charles moved hastily on leaving Camilla reclining in her stupor, and was soon found chatting agitatedly outside the RHS First Aid booth with a Euphorbia Gigantea exhibit which had been specially pruned for the Show into a topiary figure of a marriage guidance counsellor.