Top entertainer David Cameroon apologised today for spending his cabaret clubs profits on fast cars, free travel, expensive holidays, fine wine, women and gambling. He made the statement after it emerged that the club was now bankrupt and would be taken over by a comedian named Alan Car.
Mr Car is an investment banker in Noddy Town and has made millions of people laugh.
Speaking outside the House of Conmen, Mr Cameroon said it was an "unfortunate situation that will be resolved quickly because Mr Car has many old irons in the fire and his tax evasion skills will bring more revenue into the club therefore offsetting the deficit that was caused by the cleaner not keeping proper accounts and using insider information to buy tea bags from Tesco rather than Aldi or Asda".
Mr Car said in a statement, A man walks into a fish and chip shop
with a Salmon under his arm.
"Do you sell fish cakes?" he enquires.
"No we do not" replies the owner.
"That's a shame" says the man.
"Why?" asks the owner.
"It's his birthday today".