Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 27 June 2012

image for English Teacher In Hot Water After Teaching Students How To Make A Millwall Brick
Same effect, but not as portable

An English teacher living in the Thai capital of Bangkok, is in trouble with authorities at his school this morning after he was reported to have taught his students how to make the ultimate football weapon - a Millwall Brick.

Monkey Woods, 49 last Sunday, got right down to basics on Monday after a lesson he had planned went tragically wrong, when he forgot what he was going to teach.

Thinking on his feet, and having football on his mind, the aging hooligan came up with his favourite 10-minute activity involving a newspaper - the aforementioned Brick.

Spotting an old broadsheet edition of the Bangkok Post lying on a nearby desk, he leapt into action.

As his students watched with uncommon interest, Mr Monkey, as he is affectionately known, laid out the newspaper for all to see, and folded it lengthwise again and again until he had rolled up the entire paper, then bent the result in half, so that it was in the shape of a baton.

Every experiment needs a testing stage, and this one was no different. Woods took the finished Brick and brought it down swiftly on the bonce of one of the smaller students in the class for maximum effect, and there were howls of laughter as the unfortunate youngster slumped to the floor with a sickening thud.

Later, however, the headmaster of the school criticised Woods for his approach, saying:

"This kind of thing is normally undertaken by the proper school authorities - myself! I shall be looking at Mr Monkey's 'invention' closely, and may incorporate it into my own arsenal of 'disciplinary weapons' in the future."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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