Written by Skoob1999
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Wednesday, 20 June 2012

image for Gravy Man, Ken Mither Wins Coveted 2012 Olympics Food Stand Concession
Good Honest English Grub - Peddled By Con Merchants

Yorkshire gravy champion, Ken Mither, recently described in media circles as the 'Gravy Man' has announced that he has been awarded a much treasured official food concession stand, outside the Olympic Stadium in Stratford, East London.

"Mither be name, Mither be nature!" Ken beamed as he gave the paparazzi a big thumbs up, outside his terraced home in Cleckhuddersfax, West Yorkshire.

But, as Ken went on to explain, this concession stand victory means a great deal more to him than simply vending traditional northern foodstuffs to an international audience.

"It's abaht floggin' decent grub to th'international community at a reet fair price," Ken told Skoob News. "And keepin' it simple! Simple as that!"

As it's been slowly leaked, concession stands within walking distance of the Olympic venues are all set to enjoy record breaking summer takings, by way of a vastly inflated pricing policy.

According to unofficial publicity announcements, there will be no such thing as cheap hot dogs, burgers, pies, kebabs or samosas. What there will be are a number of outlets offering 'authentic' global fast food staples, such as foot long Frankfurters, Chinese noodles, Thai stir fries, chicken kebabs, Southern fried chicken, jerk pork, burritos, felafel, sushi and porcetta.

"Oh aye!" Ken Mither ranted. "They say all that! Authentic my arse! They're getting their stuff wholesale from Asda, Aldi and Tesco and pretending it's the real thing when it's nowt o' sort! Not only that! Th' average price comes in at a tenner a pop! It's a rip off! A rip off I tell thee! There's one on 'em pushin' hot bloody pastrami sandwiches on rye! Pastrami on rye my arse! It's hot corned bloody beef out on a tin slopped up on Hovis cobs! It's complete and utter shite!"

When further questioned about his own aspirations, regarding his newly acquired and prestigious Olympic park food concession, Mither replied:

"Taste, healthy eatin' and value for money! Or as I calls it THEVFM. It's a bit awkward ter get tha dentures rahnd, granted. Burram hopin' that t' message'll get through. I'll be doin' pies, chips, mushy peas and proper gravy. In a polystyrene tray, wi' either a wood or a plastic fork - customers choice. And a free serviette. Burrit's all abaht value. Pie and peas, or chips wi' gravy'll only set thee back one pound fifty. The full monty - pie chips and peas wi' gravy will be four pound. Word's gettin' aht already - yon Ali Bullo offered me a contract today to supply his concession wi' chips. Olympics! We'll rock it mate! Sorted!"

Which remains to be seen.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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