Friends of Louise Mensch have revealed that she is being tormented by nightmares about losing the Political Tweeter of the Year award to John Prescott.
Both politicians have been nominated for the award, but Louise is the only one in the world who desperately wants to win it. She wants to win it so much she has been known to wake up at 3.00 in the morning to start Tweeting, 2 hours before anyone else has even woken up.
We are reliably informed that she believes that quantity is better than quality and her friends say that she can tweet 20,000 words a day, and if they don't read them she cries. One of her friends, called Penelope Bridgeton-Ponderton, has given up her job as a Party Princess because she just couldn't find the time to read Louise's Tweets and hold down a full time job.
John on the other hand, tweets a tweet if he's asked a question and he's not that bothered if he wins. But friends of Louise think she might die if she loses so they have all joined together to bribe the judging panel with a £40.50 triple chocolate fudge cake to try to gain their vote for Louise.
They say its only fair. "She wants it more." Said Penelope "She's the biggest Twitster in the world, And John just isn't, so there"
I agree, John Prescott is not a Twitster. He's an excellent politician who helped a lot of poor people escape from poverty during the last labour government. So maybe he doesn't need to win, because he's already a winner. But a close friend of John's was heard to say "I think Louise's friends may have bribed the wrong person. If they had bribed John with that chocolate cake, he might have resigned from the competition and just let Louise have her award without putting up any fight at all."
By Katarina Frogpond.