The Home Office has vowed to intercede in a pending work stoppage during the Olympics as the Sex Workers Union (SWU) has threatened a 'Lay Out' during the August Influx of cash carrying tourists for the gala event heralded as a 'boom to the economy' by Business Secretary Vince Cable.
"Surely, " said a spokesman for the union, "our girls who invented the concept of "hop on and hop off" are worth £750 if they're paying £500 for a bloke to just show up and just drive the damn bus!"
With the SWU claiming it has over £50,000 active members with more signing up each day as they pour into the country, the proposed strike could bring the Olympics 'to it's knees' according to event organizers. Not that I've ever found that to be an objectionable position , mind you.
Said local punter Sean Youngblood, "See, it's all about having a good time 'n all. The events are just an excuse to 'ave it on with summit strange. If the girls do go on strike, good on 'em I say, give the local amateur talent a chance to pick up a few quid and get paid for a change." Free enterprise and all that, don't you know? Good from evil; practice makes perfect is my motto!
The MET anti prostitution task force, known as 'The Twat Squad', has been put on the alert in the eventuality that they will be confronted with the results of a strike and the possibility that 'scabs' will be brought into keep London's sex trade running.
"Scabs, just what we need as if we don't have enough cases already, " said MET
Disease Control Officer Millicent 'Milly' Strangeglove, ' with all these amateurs taking to the streets it could be worse than Legionnaires Disease after that lot came to town, or even Mad Cow Disease which we've now traced to an all night pub in Yorkshire."
Complicating the possible catastrophic strike of the SWU, is that medical practitioners have also announced a sympathetic walk out which could leave millions of revelers with
'the drips' if gone untreated. Seems a tad short sighted by those NHS types. Sounds like they might miss some fun diagnosing and all.
A spokesman for PM Dave Cameron said "The PM is more than gratified that his government scheme for ' job retraining' in order to remove citizens from Job Seekers Allowance is proving to be a huge success with inquiries pouring in unchecked." 'Job retraining'. Hmmm, don't think I've ever heard it called that. Pretty basic knowledge if you get my drift. Leave it to those political types to find fancy words for the obvious.
Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls said he is skeptical that the PM's plan will work based
on 'personal knowledge of the life style of Labour Supporters, and for purely personal reasons."
Business Secretary Vince Cable said he is 'appalled' at the thought amateurs will be entering the work place saying, "look at the NHS, would you want anyone who doesn't speak English working on YOUR prostate!" On the other hand, "show and tell" has some appeal at times.
Finance Minister George Osbourne was unavailable for comment as he was preparing for
'a Greek Banking Holiday.'