London, Friday 19 May 2006 - (Associated Mess): One of the worst cases of an illegal immigrant working in the UK after release from prison - and successfully evading deportation back to Siberian salt-mine homelands by using a loophole in the Inhuman Rights Act - has been discovered in Buckingham Palace.
Barbara Freeman, a freelance actress of Russian/German persuasion who, since the Luftwaffe's bombing of Buckingham Palace in 1940 has made a successful career out of impersonating Queen Elizabeth II for and on behalf of the UK Conservative Party, was DNA-tested last night by MI5 and found to be the all-time Queen Bee hybrid fathered by Adolf Hitler by a little-known sister of Joseph Stalin.
This Whitehall cuckoo has had her nest feathered by sucessive British governments for over 60 years after finding a winning formula encrypted in the UK Official Secrets Act that has enabled her to evade capture by successfully deleting from the public domain all historical references to the House of Windsor fatalities who died in September 1940. Including King George VI, his wife Elizabeth Bowes Lyon and their eldest daughter Princess Elizabeth.
Bankrolled by the Riggs Bank , she has been able to spawn a totally fake new royal dynasty, who have in turn been sponsored in their own thespian careers by the Vatican Bank via Hellfire Club UK members and overseas by founding fathers of the Ancient American Order of the Skull 'N' Bones.
The apex of her virtuoso performance was the 1980 US election that saw her brother Michael Freeman sworn into the White House in the guise of President Ronnie Raygun. The swift marching up the aisle of her allegedly eldest son and heir Charles some six months after the Capitol Hill inauguration was meant to be the crowning moment for her Hellfire sponsors.
That the marriage was a total and utter shambles is now consigned to history as a mere technical footnote. After all, the credulous British public got a nice water feature in London's Hype Park, didn't they?
The Diana Princess of Wales Memorial Fountain is now sen as the ultimate messianic emblem of the Mountbatten pipe dream, built on crack-induced fantasies of a hallucination-prone lunatic......
Security/intelligence files show that Freeman was originally married to the all-time ultimate US political impersonator, a.k.a. President George Bush Senior, and has had a stellar career filling the top posts in British public life with various members of her extended cold war family.
Nephew Tony Blair is her younger sister's blue-eyed boy fathered by the Duke of Edinburgh lookalike Official Consort...... in the hospital wing of Holloway Jail back in 1951.
And another nephew, currently filling the role of 'President George Bush Junior' is Blair's idiot half brother, fathered by General Pinochet in a Havana brothel after a consignment of contraband rum came ashore after an extended period of Cuban prohibition.
Meanwhile, the pygmy in the Kremlin masquerading as Russian President Vladimir Putain, is a son of former Polish Solidarity leader Lech Walesa, Queenie's nephew on the Rasputin side of the dynasty.....
How has she got away with it for so long? Historians are united in their verdict that Margaret Thatcher, sister of the Prince Philip lookalike Consort who conducts a lifelong squatting siege with Queenie at Buck House, has been instrumental to the whole campaign.
Having been mentored by the jaded Hellfire Club grandee Earl Mountbatten of Burma who never forgave the Tories for the dissolution of the British Empire and getting the sack from his sinecure as Viceroy of India, Queenie has run her thespian career with an iron glove borrowed from the Irish Republican Army.
Her seminal campaign of seeding her DNA from the throne of the United Kingdom has spread over recent decades to include various blood-tie implants in the Kremlin, the European Union, the World Bank and in NATO Military Counter-Intelligence.
Just don't ask anybody yet about her bloodline connections to Saddam, Pol Pot or Kim Jong Ill.
There's a tale to be told in the next installment.