Written by Dan Cun
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Tuesday, 12 June 2012

image for A Ringo Ate My Baby!
A Beetle

Former Beatles drummer Ringo Starr has been accused of creeping into a Boy Scout camp site and pilfering candy from rucksacks as sleeping scouts lay unawares in their tents.

Reports from Dorking, England suggest that the nasally challenged musician was seeking out one type of candy in particular.

Scout master Bert Woggle explains: "At around midnight one of the boys heard a foraging sound coming from the vicinity of his tent. He was shocked to discover that a man, whom he described as "having a massive snout" with a funny accent, clutching his "tuck" bag. The man was muttering something about "in the town where he was born" and "I just need a little help…from my little friends", it was then the scout in question realized that his Jelly Babies had been stolen and that this man had ignored his other candy, but only taken his Jelly Babies…the green ones!"

It was later that Dorking Police put two and two together after they discovered Starr sleeping in a hedge, his mouth smeared with the remnants of green artificially preserved sugar laden candy.

Starr, who has a history of sugar addiction, was admitted to hospital and is set to start rehab.

Sir Paul McCartney said in a prepared statement "Ringo needs Help, just Let it Be, it has been A Long and Winding Road for the boy. I send him All My Loving, this was Yesterday, not today, just let him Get Back on his feet."

I asked McCartney if he had any other comment, he replied "I am the Walrus?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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