Football authorities have announced today that Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain is to face a charge of 'Bringing the Game into Disrepute'.
The charge, relating to interviews given to ITV and the BBC after England's Euro 2012 draw with France, is expected to be filed this week with a hearing date to be confirmed for after England's inevitable Quarter final defeat to the fucking Germans.
The Arsenal winger will be charged by football authorities after 'exhibiting conduct not becoming of an England footballer' during post match TV interviews on Monday night. According to a spokesman Oxlade-Chamberlain 'behaved in a manner not conducive with representing his country' by 'appearing to actually be interested in playing for England' 'not continually saying erm or you know what I mean throughout the interview and 'actually having the manners to smile and make eye contact with his interviewer'.
When asked for more detail the spokesman elaborated that
"Mr Oxlade-Chamberlain did not appear to have the requisite stupid haircut, earrings and shit tattoos" and that
"His manner of speech was both clear and intelligent, which may have confused many supporters who were expecting a string of grunted clichés delivered either in an almost indistinguishable regional brogue or a moronic sounding Ali G-esque accent."
In answering to the charge a visibly upset Oxlade-Chamberlain stated that he was 'working closely with the FA to resolve the issue', was going to answer to the charge fully and was going to 'take lessons from Ashley Cole and Wayne Rooney in how to be a vulgar, monosyllabic twat who can barely contain his contempt for his fans.'