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Tuesday, 12 June 2012

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A Pub Regular Described UK Economy As "Arse Wipe"

British Prime Minister David Cameron admitted yesterday to accidently leaving the UK Economy "in the shitter" at the weekend. A Downing Street Special Advisory Public Relations Advisor, defended the Prime Ministers' lack of judgement as an act of extreme tiredness, due to the pressures of the job. Mr Cameron, a well known chillaxer, is said to have momentarily forgotten that he was in charge of the UK Economy, believing somebody else was looking after it at the time.

The blunder first came to light after Mr Cameron had entertained a number of bodyguards to an 'all you can eat' Sunday lunch. The Economy had been left in the lavatory at The Foot Inn, situated just outside the small Buckinghamshire village of Mouth. The Advisor added that the general public should remember that The Prime Minister had a lot on his plate at the time. He said: "as soon as the PM realised his mistake, he took stringent measures to immediately blame someone else. This is completely in line with Government policy, shit always slides downhill"

It is believed that The Economy was left unattended for about 15 minutes but when found was absolutely no use to anyone.

A pub regular first noticed The Economy was down the pan when she was charged nearly four pounds for a small glass of locally brewed ale 'The Dogs Bollocks'. The Dogs' catchphrase, you can't lick it became a nationwide phenomena recently after being adopted by The New Old Labour Party as its' election slogan. The tipple has been hit by a succession of price hikes in the last few months. Laying the blame squarely at the Governments door, a Brewery spokesman said: "not only have the price rises crippled sales but, they have also forced one of our biggest customers, The Cock Inn, to close after many years service to the village. They're hitting us where it hurts."

The PM came under fire recently amide claims that he was too distracted by 'Angry Birds' to run the country effectively. Mr Cameron hotly denied the claims, saying that he hardly ever watched Eastenders because it was past his bedtime.

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