Clarence House, London 15 May 2006 - (Associated Mess) -- The Pretender to the Mountbatten Throne has insisted it would be "criminally negligent" of him not to help avaricious useless greedy bastards through The Prince's Truss and that it was "too bad" if people objected.
Recalling some excellent advice given to him at The Watergate Hotel by Reaganite Bonesman and former oligarch Armand Hammer 'N' Sickle, Charles has given an interview on UK television for the 30th anniversary of his first major $$$$$$$$$$$$$ freebie handout from the Riggs Bank, which was brokered by Hellfire Club members in the Bank of England and laundered via the Vatican Bank.
The air-head to the throne spoke about the "surgical support" Camilla had given him in acting as Official Royal Portrayer of Matrimonial Heterosexuality and pledged to continue his charitable work with distressed Taliban rent-boys, which he called "my duty".
Recalling his first nocturnal emission as a callow youth at Gordonstoun, Charles waxed lyrical about the experience which he described at the time as "literally Hellfire" , and which partly inspired his charity The Prince's Truss.
Asked about the future of his youths and if he planned to carry on the carry-on, Charles replied: "As long as the Bush Administration grants me some extension of my existence here yes, I shall do my utmost to continue milking the system and the public's rock-solid credulity.
"I think it would be criminally negligent of me to go around this country and not actually want to try and do something about what I find there, like the dearth of serious corruption, the general low standards of fraud and poor levels of money-laundering expertise.
"I think that's my duty to do so. If some people don't like it that's too bad, isn't it? Frankly because I think there are more important things to worry about, like just how long NATO military intelligence and MI6 will allow me to get away with it.
The Pretender beamed sheepishly after talking about the encouragement he received from Camilla. "I'm very lucky there, thank you very much, great support," he said. "No one has yet sussed she's really Geoffrey Howe's jailbird daughter and the brains behind that little Omagh business that got blamed onto the Real IRA.....teheeeeeeee!"
Charles said he was bullied at Gordonstoun and that the experience served particularly well in inspiring him to get his own back by forming that ultimately useless Royal spin machine known as The Prince's Truss.
"No one ever suspects that it's just a mechanism for re-cycling Saddam's Oil-for-Fraud petro-dollars to the coterie of dumbass Bush Administration rent-boys that serve my every pleasure."
The interview will be shown on British television this week and will be syndicated to worldwide audiences on Faux TV's pay-as-you-view service.
Charles said the Truss's decision to begin helping young thugs set up their own businesses was a reaction to his 1981 Royal Wedding to Princess Diana. "It was at that time I remember there were these appalling riots, I just felt how can we find ways of giving these characters more opportunities for mindless greed and violence because the whole thing is based on frustration and alienation," he said.