Today's headline news - that Prince Philip has been released from hospital - has been widely reported, but only SEN's Verity Warbling-Trollblog got the real inside scoop on the story, by revealing that the Prince must keep a quail's egg in his underpants for at least 72 hours.
The Prince was hospitalised with a bladder infection after spending four hours in freezing rain on a barge on the River Thames, inspecting the Jubilee Pageant, and the quail's egg in the underpants scenario is said by Ms Warbling-Trollblog to be an essential element in the recuperation process.
"The doctors at the King Edward VII Hospital insisted that the Prince keep a quail's egg in his underpants to help with temperature stabilisation in the bladder area," Ms Warbling-Trollblog revealed. "It's all about core body heat transference, and a live quail's egg is an ideal temperature regulator. At this stage, I'm not certain of the exact location in his underpants where he'll keep the quail's egg, but I would expect that it'll be somewhere in the region of his wedding tackle - although he'll want to place it somewhere where it makes sitting down not too difficult. Given that, I would suspect that the undercarriage will be out of the question. Unless he's prepared to stay on his feet for the next 72 hours."
The Prince was seen to visibly wince this morning as he clambered into a Royal vehicle for the short journey to Buckingham Palace. A trained lip reader revealed that as he entered the vehicle, he uttered the words:
"Oh, damn blast and bugger it! There's something trickling down my leg. I hope I haven't gorn and broken the buggering quail's egg!"
Royal watchers were of the opinion that if the quail's egg hatches, the Prince will either adopt the newborn quail chick as a pet, or shoot it with a gun and eat it.
"This is terrific news!" SEN Supremo, Buffty Ginslinger crowed, as he puffed on a Gauloises cigarette and downed a huge glass of Chivas Regal, before groping a barely legal Glaswegian prostitute, in a Central London hotel bar. "This is what we're paying the big bucks for! Clint Denton, eat your heart out!"
More as we get it.