Written by Joe Leff
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Friday, 8 June 2012

Further deaths from an outbreak of Rionnaires' disease are highly likely, doctors warned yesterday.

The recent outbreak is centred on Heathrow, and the number of confirmed cases rose to 157 (although some have been lost). And there are still thousands queueing to be checked.

The source of the disease appears to be contamination in some air packages which airlines sell to passengers who have forgotten to bring their own air supplies.

Passengers are being advised to hold their breath during take-off and landing, and when they are weighing in their hand baggage. Pilots have been instructed to take short cuts to save air.

Early symptoms of Ryonnaires' disease include an inability to stand still for several hours at the airport. Infected passengers who pay a £100 priority fee will be admitted to hospital first.

Other seriously affected passengers who have lost consciousness will be placed on baggage carousels until they come round again and again.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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