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Friday, 8 June 2012

image for Mutant 'Borg Queen' bee at Highgrove apiary the prime suspect in zombie virus attack
Borg Queen suspected of hatching the zombie plot

Gloucestershire - She's been busy incubating some genetically modified parasitic mites suspected of zombifying most of the United Kingdom into Diamond Jubilee stupor last week.

Carried on infected worker drones' probosces the bugs emit a lethal pathogen that stupefies targets within seconds of an attack.

Earliest victims include a Highgrove keeper who refused to inoculate royal apes that make Prince Charles' Gloucestershire apiary the very stuff of legend.

Another infected employee, thought to be a royal compost tosser at the mansion's organic recycling plant, was diagnosed this morning after tests confirmed dodgy hemolymph - bee's blood - had somehow got inside his waterworks.

"I blame poor maintenance of Highgrove's macrobiotic lymphatic drainage system," the royal estate's plumber told his boss as news of the growing pandemic spread.

Charles of course is having none of it despite analysis of the virus' DNA suggesting a full-blown attack could target next month's London 2012 Olympic Games.

That's prompted fury among residents at one South London tower block designated an official launch pad for the MoD's top Olympic terror deterrent of surface-to-heir attack missiles.

Fears that anti-viral sprays may be now be carried by specially adapted Ministry rockets are triggering mass hysteria in a 'marginalised' London borough notorious for, er, stuff.

"WTF?" An adviser to Mayor of London Boris Johnson said today amid frantic demands for mass vaccinations to protect an already dazed and confused populace.

MMR quackery specialist Dr Andrew Wakefield is 69.

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