Written by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 6 June 2012

image for Barbara Walters & Bashar Al-Assad? What about 'Valerie Simpleton & Joseph Kony'?
Vladimir Putin's labrador bitch is named after Joseph Kony

London - The octogenarian doyenne of American news broadcasting has been knocked off her high perch in the controversial Bashar Al Assad affair.

Twenty-four hours after the scandal went viral a new drama is unfolding in London amid revelations that seventy-something former Blue Peter presenter Valerie Simpleton 'is up to her neck' in 'stuff' herself.

Mostly to do with ruthless terrist Joseph Kony, member of the House of Lords Cricket Club Resistance Army and feckless urban guerilla from Deptford.

Our Val, as she likes to be known, has fessed up to a conflict of interest and said she's very sorry after being outed as a facilitator who fixed up Kony's char woman's eldest with a waiter's job at London's Poison Ivy restaurant.

"And why ever not?" her publicist demanded as reporters clamored for more details of this astonishing bollox development.

Meanwhile at the Foreign Orifice someone - who reads William Hague's tarot cards on Tuesday afternoons - left their laptop in a public convenience along with 'sensitive' material about Blue Peter's 1960's Alsatian mascot Petra.

The fertile bitch spawned loads of puppies whose bloodlines now dominate all over the world.

A recent World Wildlife Fund report into Russian President Vladimir Putin's black labrador cross bitch Koni revealed she was named after the selfsame Kony of guerilla resistance army fame.

How's that for trumping Barbara Walters' brush with the Syrian dictator?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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