Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 6 June 2012

image for Prince Philip 'Faked Illness' To Avoid Diamond Jubilee Concert
Philip "hates" Elton John

The Duke of Edinburgh faked illness so that he wouldn't have to sit through the Queen's Diamond Jubilee concert, it has been alleged.

I alleged it, just now.

The Prince was taken to hospital with what was supposed to be a bladder infection yesterday, and will miss the rest of the Diamond Jubilee celebrations.

Buckingham Palace said Prince Philip, 90, had been taken to the King Edward VII Hospital in London from Windsor Castle as a "precautionary measure" against becoming "bored and pissed-off with the myriad of useless, lacklustre and downright tedious performers" lined-up to honour Her Majesty's 60 years as monarch.

The Queen joined 12,000 revellers at the Jubilee concert at the palace.

The prince is to remain in hospital "under observation" for a few days. During this time, he will read newspapers and chat to young nurses.

He had appeared to be in good health when he accompanied the Queen on the royal barge on Sunday, which formed part of the rain-drenched Jubilee river pageant. But he quickly took a turn for the worse when later reminded of the 'pop extravaganza' which lay in wait.

Robbie Williams opened the show with Let Me Entertain You and was the first to perform for the Queen, singing Mack the Knife.

Other rather dubious acts included Jessie J, Annie Lennox, Sir Tom Jones, Madness, Stevie Wonder and Sir Cliff Richard - who sang a medley of his songs from six different decades in his very own Diamond Jubilee celebration.

Comedians Lee Mack (not the Knife), Rob Brydon, Jimmy Carr and Peter Kay also performed at the event.

The concert was fittingly brought to its knees by Sir Paul McCartney who played 'hits' including Magical Mystery Tour, Let It Be and a spectacular rendition of Live and Let Die, renamed for the occasion as Live and Let Di.

The prince, who was treated for a blocked coronary artery in December, and who will be 91 on Sunday, will also miss the national service of thanksgiving at St Paul's Cathedral on Tuesday.

He told palace advisors:

"Thank Christ I don't have to sit through that bloody Watford chairman's drivelly shit again!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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