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Tuesday, 5 June 2012

image for Ford Transit Of Venus The Ultimate New Shagging Wagon?
An early prototype

London - A new white van launched by General Motors has been named after an rare astrological aspect dominating the skies this week.

The Ford Transit of Venus comes customised with a tiger-skin couch, blow-up waterbed, strobe lights, lava lamps and ubiquitous mini hot tub.

It's being targetted at the festival-going trustafarian market of twenty-something loafers who'll never have to do a day's work in their entire useless lives.

Launched just after a tricky Diamond Jubilee eclipsed fool moon the £40,000 love limo is named after an extremely rare astrological occurrence - last seen back in 2004, heheh.

A spokesperson for TV car driving pundit Jeremy Clarkson said today the deluxe van is equipped with the same advanced engineering technology as it's glamorous stargazing little sister the Ford Taurus.

"Of course, there's a teensy bit of 1990s-style Ford Scorpio in the hydraulics system," Laurie Lambretta commented, "but hey, that's astrology for you."

Five brand new Venus Transits will road tested later this month at a series of traditional British music festivals where they'll be put through rigorous paces by rock bands, roadies and various hangers-on.

Volunteers from garage, indie and heavy metal outfits will assess the launch model's latest features in a vid commissioned by Road Nutz magazine.

Their findings will be published later this year when Ford lets loose its next stunner the Winter Solstice Dormobile.

Price? Around sixty thousand squid.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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