Written by queen mudder
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Tuesday, 5 June 2012

image for 'Damnfool Sun-Venus conjunction will kill the Old Girl' sees Philip coshed with chemical straightjacket
Venus will appear as a tiny black dot against the magnificent fiery Sun

London - Holed up in a grotty geriatric ward at London's King Edward Potatoes Clinic for Past-it Duffers the Duke of Edinburgh had a terrifying vision last night.

Apparently someone told him that a once-in-a-lifetime Sun-Venus conjunction on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning 'was a government cover-up about little green men'.

Nurses then reported hearing feverish babblings about 'visitors from outer space' topping the Queen before quickly moving him to a private room with padded walls.

Five minutes later the wily old codger managed to leg it 'for a wee medicinal sharpener' of Scotch whisky and was heard crooning the 1962 smash-hit 'Venus In Blue Genes' [sic] at the top of his voice.

A powerful cocktail of intravenous largactil hastily administered into the royal rump had little or no sedative effect as Philip launched into the Bob Dylan number 'Everyone Must Get Stoned'...

"We're a bit worried about HRH," specialist psychiatric staff said this morning after finding a smuggled mobile phone from which the Duke had 'sexted' all his pals.

Mostly harmless pyjama shots and stuff about 'Waco-style' alien spaceships stalking the Queen.

The odds for the astrological aspect snuffing out Old Fatty Mountbatten have been trimmed to an attractive 3/1.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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