Written by dimothy

Print this

Tuesday, 5 June 2012

image for Syria Marks Queen's Diamond Jubilee
Tanks like this are reserved for special occasions in Syria (e.g. UN peace plans)

Syrian president Opposition-Basher al-Assad kicked off a huge round of Jubilee celebrations in his country this weekend. He explained:

"Like all great dictators I was educated in London, so Britain has a special place in my heart. As an unelected head of state who's been in power for many years I also feel a special bond with the Queen."

There will be a bumper programme of celebrations including:

Saturday 2PM-6PM: A huge arms boat pageant will parade from Russia all the way down the Med, culminating in a ceremonial unloading, in which Mr Assad will personally take part.

Sunday 6PM-11PM: There will be a massive Jubilee concert at the UN, organised by rock legend Ban Ki Moon. At the gig 95% of world leaders will be singing from the same song sheet. Mr Assad is expected to perform 'I Will Survivie' by videolink, with Vladimir Putin on backing.

Sunday 12PM-5PM: Celebrations close with an enormous procession through Homs, including 4,000 tanks and 40,000 troops. The content will include live ammunition, fire(works) and a number of 500 gun salutes.

It had been hoped that Coffee Annan would be by Mr Assad's side for the celebrations - he had been due to co-host a special Jubilee ceasefire. Sadly Mr Annan is currently too ill to attend, but he did send this message:

"I'm sorry I can't be part of this wonderful weekend but sadly I picked up a bladder infection, which came on when realised that Assad was taking the piss."

Make dimothy's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 2 multiplied by 4?

6 8 9 19
46 readers are online right now!

Go to top