Written by IainB
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Monday, 4 June 2012

image for Kate and William look-a-likes stood in for them at the Jubilee Concert
Doreen Cook, the country's best Queen Impersonator endured four hours of music she didn't like

Michael Law and Jessica Cotton have admitted that it was them, and not Kate and William Windsor at the Jubilee Concert.

"We're the country's best Kate and Wills look-a-likes," said Jessica. "As Kate and Wills wanted a little alone time, they gave us a ring."

"Me and Jess normally do nightclub openings," said Michael. "It was a bit of a shock to be given the best seats in the house for the biggest concert of the year."

Having sat through sets from Elton John and Paul McCartney, Jules Holland and Grace Jones, Jessica admits that the concert wasn't really her idea of a fun night out.

"To be honest," she said, "the set by Ed Sheeran was okay, and I quite liked that blonde woman with angel wings, but I can't remember who she was. In fact, truth be told, I'd not heard of half of these people. I don't know about a bit of alone time, I think Kate and Wills disappeared off to listen to some N-Dubz and Black Eyed Peas."

"I was half expecting Status Quo and the Rolling Stones to come on," said Michael. "The whole concert was what I call 'mum music'. I suppose it was appropriate, given it was for the Queen."

Amazingly, Prince Charles was completely unaware that his eldest son and his daughter-in-law had absconded and put doppelgängers in their place.

"We kept expecting some member of the royal family to notice that we weren't actually Kate and Wills," said Michael. "But not even Harry realised. Admittedly, Harry was off his head and listening to an iPod. But you'd have thought William's dad would have noticed. But he didn't."

Jessica has her own theory for this.

"I think that the reason we weren't identified as fakes," she said, "is because I don't think any of the royals were real. I'm not a hundred percent, like, but I think Camilla was actually June Peters. I've worked with her a few times."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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