Written by queen mudder

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Sunday, 3 June 2012

image for Monday's eclipsed Strawberry Full Moon shocker
Landfill-quality full moon

London - The eclipsed Sagittarius Full Moon promises to drive people bonkers with a compulsory extra day's holiday and other Government bollox.

Astrologers call it the Strawberry Fool Moon on account of supermarket scams to make shoppers cough up daft amounts of £££s for landfill-quality fruit.

To enjoy over the four-day Jubilee weekend.

The lunation takes place at 12.11BST on Monday just as the Queen prepares to cream off another million or two from the Treasury's Jubilee Fund for bankrupt cold war hasbeens.

And Kate Piddleton's latest boob job.

Lunar chaos should them peak at 19.30 just as the People's Jubilee Concert starts outside Buckingham Palace in a ticket-only event for 20,000 invited friends of the Government.

And Nick Clegg.

Everybody gets a Palace doggy bag full of Heston's goodies like macrobiotic organic peacock droppings en croute washed down with a noggin of non-alcoholic barley whine.

As if that wasn't enough the day ends with fireworks from the Palace roof, damaged beyond repair by elf-n-safety inspectors during the last faux Jubilee back in 2002.

Another five million for the sinking fund, George Osborne, and make it snappy.

Prince Philip's been dead since the Kenya honeymoon.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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