Written by Skoob1999
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Sunday, 3 June 2012

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Dead Proud Of Me Old Man I Am

It's been a long time coming, but Prince Philip has finally been declared a 'National Treasure' following his outstanding performance at the Diamond Jubilee Pageant.

Where it pissed down all day.

The 90 year old consort to HRH - who hitherto has had a somewhat controversial tenure - gained the plaudits of Royal Watchers around the globe, as he braved the elements with typical bonhomie as he reviewed a shitload of boats in the shadow of Tower Bridge, in monsoon conditions.

Despite having dodgy knees, and struggling under the weight of a great deal of medals.

Prince Philip refused to be bowed.

Insiders insist that Phil, known to staffers as 'Finicky Phil' only attended the Thames bash under sufferance, after Her Majesty had nagged him into having two early nights on account of having a busy weekend, but that he'd enjoyed himself nonetheless.

"Fuck em all!" a jubilant Prince Phil announced. "This is what it's all about! When the sycophants turn out in droves in the pissing rain, one knows one's doing one's job! God Save The Queen! And all that shite!"

When asked if he'll be in top form for tomorrow's festivities, the Prince replied:

"Fuck knows - I'll probably have a lie in and we'll take it from there. Having said that, I most likely will turn up - but I'll be all hungover to bollocks."

When asked about his reaction to being declared a national treasure, the Prince replied:

"Took you long enough...now go on...fuck orf with you. Innit."

More as we get it.

This news item awaits confirmation by eye-witnesses as the account is as yet unverified.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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