London - The 1956 Dean Martin hit was heard playing on a Thames fishing smack at Chelsea Harbour this afternoon as Kate showcased yet another frumpy, post menopausal-looking ensemble.
"Looks like she's stuffed loads of toilet paper inside an underwired push-up bra this time," royalty expert Mrs Vera Bunting said as TV cameras panned onto the twin protuberances.
"Well at least you can now tell she's female," neighbor Mrs Gladys Whatnot concurred, "and not some jumped-up post-surgery squaddie in drag."
Their assessment of the tomato red jacket and skirt decided that the outfit was last seen in a Kensington Shave-the-Children-Fund charity shop where shoppers had eyed it with suspicion on account of some hammer-n-sickie embroidery around the hem.
Today it was being sported on Kate's peculiar, emaciated frame along with a daft, reddish flying saucer hat complete with tin foil lining.
"You know what they say, don't you?" Mrs B added.
"Red hat, no knickers, daft trollop's just one of the Jubilee arselickers, heheh."
Carole Middleton is still 69.