Written by Skoob1999
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Sunday, 3 June 2012

image for Diamond Jubilee Pageant - Pippa Middleton Keeps Her Bum Firmly Under Wraps
Spoof Writers Roy Turse And Skoob Approaching Tower Bridge Five Minutes Ago In A Boat

Anyone expecting a repeat of last year's Royal Wedding controversy - when Pippa Middleton's bottom completely stole the show - found only crushing disappointment as today's Diamond Jubilee Pageant passed peacefully off in the pouring rain, with nary a glimpse of Pippa's buttocks to be had.

Indeed, there was barely anything to say about Pippa's regal rear, and she didn't even travel on the same boat as Prince Harry - who worryingly appeared wearing white gloves, reminiscent of the late and little lamented 'King Of Pop' Michael Jackson.

Who once tried a publicity stunt on the river, with little effect.

All of which left slathering newshounds in a state of extreme frustration.

"I only wanted to see Pippa's ass," one American viewer revealed. "When I found out it was raining, I thought, GREAT! I'll write a story about Pippa's soaking wet dress clinging to her pert, cheeky li'l butt-tox - that'll git me a gazillion hits! But it didn't happen. I guess I'll have to write another damned story about Obama's birth certificate instead. Or the Vampire Diaries or some other such crock of crap."

"Damn Brits can't get nothin' right," another US writer complained. "What's the point of having a Diamond Jubilee Pageant without cheerleaders? That's just sooo gay."

"At least nobody got assassinated," a British writer countered.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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