God has refused to attend the Queens Diamond Jubilee celebrations, he was too busy mending his garden fence in heaven because the Devil sent an army of cockroaches to dig up his front lawn (there are no moles in Gods heaven only the UK parliament) and he didn't have the time.
Queen Elizabeth sent him a "shiny" personal invitation via the Archbishop of Westminster, but he was told to stick it up his rear-end because there were more "pressing matters" nearer home, damn Devil!
Although God refused to attend personally, he did promise to send the Queen and her merry bunch a lovely present from above, buckets of rain; quite handy in drought stricken areas such as the UK.
The Queeen, Prince Philip, Charles and the rest all got on their knees to thank the Almighty for this kind gesture and thanked the heavens that they were all inside at the time and their beloved folk got drowned wearing soggy Union Jacks with pink hats, gay!
The Devil meanwhile, (He was invited too, ask Blair) wants nothing to do with such elaborate, wasteful and very expensive celebrations and prefers his own personal way of showing what a wonderful creation mankind is by letting one of his cannibals loose on the streets of Manhatten, US; now that's real "HEAVEN"!