Baroness Warsi, 'bent' Conservative Party Chairperson, was to be run over by a train near Harrow-in-the-Hill, under the instruction of her lawyers - a newspaper claimed today.
The Warsi defence team had been left reeling after the latest curry corruption allegations and decided to play the 'vulnerability' card in a desperate bid to save the credability of Warsi and the conservative fandango.
Warsi already has a good ranking in 'vulnerability' top trumps with high scores in 'gender' and 'ethnicity', however she is 'run of the mill' in other areas like mobility, leading her brief to suggest;
Some sort of appauling non-fatal incident under a train - ostensibly an accident, a filthy lesbian tyrst with a russian shotputter, some kind of tragic drug habit and put lots of weight on.
Her defence team believed these measures would make prosecution impossible under compassionate grounds. But legal experts warned that judges can enlist 'ultra-vulnerable' juries under such circumstances who have 'heard it all before'.