Written by Skoob1999
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Sunday, 3 June 2012

image for Two Police Divers Missing Overnight Conducting Jubilee Pageant Security Duties
Thames Siren At Work?

Although details remain somewhat sketchy at the moment, it appears reasonably certain that two police divers, conducting underwater security operations ahead of the Diamond Jubilee Pageant went missing last night in the vicinity of Tower Bridge.

We understand that the divers were checking sewage and drainage outlets on the stretch of the Thames between London and Tower Bridges when they failed to resurface.

A frantic manhunt immediately got under way as senior officers at the scene ordered all available men into the water to search for the missing pair.

In the early hours of this morning the river became a bustling hive of activity, with the murky surface flooded by hundreds of arc lights, but sadly, thus far, there seems little possibility that a rescue has been effected.

When SNN reporter Martin Shuttlecock approached several weary officers as they came off duty, he was met by a wall of silence, as said officers refused to confirm or deny any knowledge of the two missing officers.

However, he did manage to secure an interview with a local riverman, who was toiling on his vessel on the river in the vicinity of HMS Belfast at the time. He told us:

"I reckon they got sucked off by the current, either that, or they shot up one of the sewage outlets, but my mate Dave says that just as they was getting into the water, he saw an image of a beautiful lady in a diaphanous white gown hovering above the water, singing a beautifully enticing song. He said that two of the officers were last seen in a trancelike state heading towards the mysterious figure."

When we finally tracked 'Dave' down, he told us that he thought the ghostly musical apparition was some sort of laser holographic lightshow connected to the Diamond Jubilee Pageant, with digitally enhanced vocals broadcast from a nearby building.

Curiously, Pageant officials report that no such holographic lightshow exists in the vicinity, and that there have never been any plans for such a display.

The two officers, according to the latest reports, remain missing. Which is indeed mysterious.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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